Baby Sol, born last week to a friend. He is so very sweet. A good sleeper, much to his mama's joy.

Evolving. I've already grown so much, and learned so much, but I know I have so much more to learn and grow into.

I also look forward to seeing my daughter grow older.

This home feels the most like home as any place in a long time. I would miss my apple tree planted over my daughter's placenta. I would miss the coziness of the sweet little rooms. I would miss the spirit of the little house who welcomed us and helped us put down roots.

How hard it is to be a mother. I thought with a background in childcare and child psychology I was set. Ha! It's been my shamanic journey of awakening and self awareness, pushing me to my edge and beyond. It's also just as rewarding, if not more so, in a way I never had any inkling of before becoming a mom.

How to keep my cool when my daughter's goal is to push my buttons until I lose my cool.

Jeannie said that "Anger lets us know that adjustments need to be made, either in the situation or within ourselves." That resonates with me. I get most angry when my three-year-old is pushing my buttons just to make me angry. Well, in truth, just to establish her own power and to help her grow up. But that manifests as trying to get me to lose it. I hate getting so angry with her. Motherhood so pushes me to my limits, to places I didn't know I had, both positive and negative. Anger has been one of those places, and I have learned from my anger how to calm myself, how to ride that wave and be constructive instead of yell. I have also learned about my own mother's anger with me as a child, and about our relationship. But in the immediate moment when I yell or lose my temper, I realize how I need to shift something. I need a break, she needs a nap, I need a new tactic, I need to do more yoga, or I just need a break (I repeat that intentionally!).

A spa with really fantastic massage therapists, steam rooms, organic fruit facials and body rubs... the works.

Then at night I would eat big fantastic meals at a huge wooden table with friends and family and drink red wine. If you have seen Defending Your Life you know the idea, but instead of a fancy restaurant it would be a homey Italian farmhouse.

"Want to move to Boulder with me?"

In between contractions, while being flooded with endorphins. The pauses between labor contractions are the most amazing place ever. So calm, so powerful, so full of light and peace. Unbelievable. Then a contraction would come and turn my world upside down, and then the calm would come again and I would float on the beauty of the Goddess wrapping me in her arms. I was totally present, totally in my body, glowing with the power of birth.